My professional life has been a constant record of disillusion and many things that seem wonderful to most men are the every-day commonplaces of my business.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em but I wouldn't want to own...
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the...
If at first you don't succeed try try again. Then quit. There's no point in...
Hell I never vote for anybody I always vote against.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Never try to impress a woman because if you do she'll expect you to keep up...
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great...
I like children - fried.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for...
I cook with wine sometimes I even add it to the food.
Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food...
All the men in my family were bearded and most of the women.
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death where is thy sting?
When we have lost everything including hope life becomes a disgrace and...
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case...
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
