One of the places where we lived when I was growing up had this big wood out the back. And starting when I was about 8 I used to enjoy just walking alone through the wood late. Eleven p.m. Midnight. Later.
We are taught you must blame your father your sisters your brothers the school the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.