There's a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to exert myself and really say oh God I've got to see my friends 'cause I'm too content being by myself.
If I went to them all dressed up and flashed a nice smile for the cameras it would probably be easier for me to get work. But I just can't tolerate it.
I became very famous as a teenager and my name and photo were splashed in all the media. They made me larger than life so I wanted to live larger than life and the only way to do that was to be intoxicated.
What I needed most was to love and to be loved eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me and sure enough I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy by suspicions and fear by burst of anger and quarrels.