When I entered high school I was an A-student but not for long. I wanted the fancy clothes. I wanted to hang out with the guys. I went from being an A-student to a B-student to a C-student but I didn't care. I was getting the high fives and the low fives and the pats on the back. I was cool.
People think I take some sort of masochistic pleasure out of putting out music that's gonna be unpopular.
But when I lose my temper I find it difficult to forgive myself. I feel I've failed. I can be calm in a crisis in the face of death or things that hurt badly. I don't get hysterical which may be masochistic of me.