I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy but that it...
We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own...
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their...
No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence...
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
All government of course is against liberty.
I believe that all government is evil and that trying to improve it is...
The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often...
The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think...
There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and...
If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and...
Husbands never become good they merely become proficient.
A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or...
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity...
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and...
The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof...
It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise just and omnipotent...
Marriage is a wonderful institution but who would want to live in an...
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from...
We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown...
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the...
Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other and the...
The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's...
Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To...
Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible...
A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of...
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
