I liked getting the best villain award. I thought that was funny.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach but it...
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy...
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out...
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want drink what...
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from...
My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately)...
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles but most of them never...
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me but I think she enjoyed it.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when...
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said...
To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
There are several good protections against temptation but the surest is...
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot...
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how...
Thunder is good thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still...
Good friends good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
God made the Idiot for practice and then He made the School Board.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law...
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's I mean.
All generalizations are false including this one.
Get your facts first then you can distort them as you please.
Go to Heaven for the climate Hell for the company.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three...
