I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a reporter. I don't know where I got the idea that it was a romantic calling.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done and leave out the...
We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you can.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning why don't they...
If I studied all my life I couldn't think up half the number of funny things...
Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with...
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places...
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till...
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town...
Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the...
There's only one thing that can kill the movies and that's education.
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one...
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will...
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse...
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud...
We don't seem to be able to check crime so why not legalize it and then tax...
If you can build a business up big enough it's respectable.
It's not what you pay a man but what he costs you that counts.
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you...
Do the best you can and don't take life too serious.
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to...
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have...
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
