Let others lead small lives but not you. Let others argue over small things but not you. Let others cry over small hurts but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else's hands but not you.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

Sometimes you have to take the focus off of you and put it on someone else and it's funny what you can accomplish and how much strength you really have.

I'm not a believer in the pratfall. I don't think it's funny just to have someone fall down.

Mmmm... the comedy that matters is the comedy you pull out of thin air. It's a bit like when something funny has happened and you try to explain it to someone else and end up saying 'You had to be there.'

The key is just to ignore the pain because physical comedy only works if you see someone get hurt and they aren't actually hurt. If someone gets hit in the face with a bat falls down and gets back up it's funny. If they stay down and their jaw is wired shut in the next scene it's really tragic and weird. You have to pretend it doesn't hurt.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

It's a real primal thing watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible.

I love funny people and when I'm with funny people or people who are amusing in their weirdness I love it. Because that to me is funny as opposed to someone who stops and says 'Hey let me tell you a joke.'

It's unbearable when someone changes around you. Just imagine that your life partner changes then it is difficult to cope with. Or your mother. Or your father. They were strong and now they're like a baby - it's not so funny.

It's funny having the same name as someone. Me Emma Watson and Emma Stone the amount of times I've been called Emma Watson or Emma Stone is so funny. It's just 'cause we're all named Emma. None of us look alike.

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water but that's about it.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

Comedy's so subjective and if someone comes to watch doesn't get it doesn't find it funny then fine.

I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds.

Without hurting anybody we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.

I love readings and my readers but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful but I'm annoying and a phony.

I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.