Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else.

But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.

You know fame is a funny thing man especially you know actors musicians rappers rock singers it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars you go to clubs everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about he goes off and gets married.

From there to here and here to there funny things are everywhere.

I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

People say that life is the thing but I prefer reading.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

I've never been married but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

If at first you don't succeed find out if the loser gets anything.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia they can take anything they want!

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Boy those French: they have a different word for everything!

Drawing on my fine command of the English language I said nothing.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things and I have succeeded fairly well.

The superfluous a very necessary thing.

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never said most of the things I said.