At some future period not very distant as measured by centuries the civilized races of man will almost certainly exterminate and replace the savage races throughout the world.

The assertion that 'all men are created equal' was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that but for future use.

I love Mikhail Bulgakov. He is very original and takes the story to unexpected places. I didn't realise political writing could be so funny.

He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person it's not a good place for you to be.

If you think something's funny go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield England which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there but it's funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way.

I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny that humor comes from a much gentler place.

Something about New York man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny New York is the place to go.

I always find it kind of embarrassing kind of funny and kind of exciting. In New York I'm recognized a lot although nobody says anything. You know they stare at you just a second too long. But in Paris it's not as commonplace to be recognized.

At home in L.A. Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef.

I've thought for the last decade or so the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages and had the ability to make it all funny entertaining and pertinent.

I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10 000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you that it's about the people who are nominated and respect that but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

I'm a misplaced American but don't know where I was misplaced.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

To cement a new friendship especially between foreigners or persons of a different social world a spark with which both were secretly charged must fly from person to person and cut across the accidents of place and time.

Here's a news flash: No soldier gives his life. That's not the way it works. Most soldiers who make a conscious decision to place themselves in harm's way do it to protect their buddies. They do it because of the bonds of friendship - and it goes so much deeper than friendship.

It will give them the opportunity to show themselves worthy of the respect and friendship of peace-loving nations and in time to take an honorable place among members of the United Nations.

There was really no friendship in modeling though a certain amount of warmth comes from running into models you know on shoots because you end up in so many unfamiliar places from Alaska to Africa.

Often the magical elements in my books are standing in for elements of the real world the small and magical-in-their-own-right sorts of things that we take for granted and no longer pay attention to like the bonds of friendship that entwine our own lives with those of other people and places.

I didn't like England. I couldn't take the look of the place or the style of friendship. I need more intimacy from people than is considered okay there and I felt that my personality and my enthusiasms weren't understood. I had to put a big lid on myself.

It is difficult to obtain the friendship of a cat. It is a philosophical animal... one that does not place its affections thoughtlessly.