A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once and by car forever after.

I accept the Old Testament as more of an action movie: blood car chases evacuations a lot of special effects seas dividing mass murder adultery. The children of God are running amok wayward. Maybe that's why they're so relatable.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

People are always saying that Hollywood messes up kids. I'm like 'No families mess up kids!' I grew up in Hollywood and I'm perfectly fine. If my children want to go into the entertainment business I won't stop them as long as they're passionate about it.

I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed.

Teach your children how to behave with animals. Adopt a pet. Don't go buy one. Please. That's a sin. Let's get these puppy mills out of business.

I have never once regretted missing a business opportunity so that I could be with my children and grandchildren.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

I married two weeks after my 18th birthday far too young and by the time I was 23 I was a single mother of three small children Sean Daniel and Victoria living in a prefab house.

I wasn't very good about juggling family and my career. I was interested in who was coming to the children's birthday party what my son was writing. I was thinking about Legos.

I had arranged a birthday party for him and my children who are all Aquarians. Instead we got married. I ran out of excuses. It was just us and my children.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

Anybody can have a birthday. It requires nothing. Murderers have birthdays. It's the opposite of anything that I believe in. And I don't like at work where you stop everything to sing 'Happy Birthday' to someone. I feel like that's for children.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

Studies show that children best flourish when one mom and one dad are there to raise them.

Parents have become so convinced that educators know what is best for their children that they forget that they themselves are really the experts.

The Left Elite only pretend to be concerned about what's best for everyone else because it is the most effective way to manipulate you and your children into their abyss.

It is with children that we have the best chance of studying the development of logical knowledge mathematical knowledge physical knowledge and so forth.

The Supreme Court has insulted you over and over again Lord. They've taken your Bible away from the schools. They've forbidden little children to pray. They've taken the knowledge of God as best they can and organizations have come into court to take the knowledge of God out of the public square of America.

The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

Massachusetts children cannot only lead the nation in test scores they can be competitive with the best in the world. And the gap in achievement among races can virtually disappear.

I believe the best service to the child is the service closest to the child and children who are victims of neglect abuse or abandonment must not also be victims of bureaucracy. They deserve our devoted attention not our divided attention.

I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy.