Whatever it is that the government does sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on I go to the library and read a good book.

A good thing to remember is somebody's got it a lot worse than we do.

I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.

Sometimes I do get to places just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter.

Only God can look at somebody's heart.

There was my name up in lights. I said 'God somebody's made a mistake.' But there it was in lights. And I sat there and said 'Remember you're not a star.' Yet there it was up in lights.

Somebody informed me recently that the key to every art from writing to gardening to sculpture is creativity. I beg to differ.

In the future when Microsoft leaves a security-flaw in their code it won't mean that somebody hacks your computer. It will mean that somebody takes control of your servant robot and it stands in your bedroom doorway sharpening a knife and watching you sleep.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

It's funny the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast loose and improvised and get somebody to laugh.

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.

With Portlandia I don't think our intention is always to find something funny. Sometimes the humor comes from taking something really seriously. We're okay with making somebody feel uncomfortable or uneasy.

It's sad and upsetting when you see somebody crying hysterically but at the same time it's real funny.

It's funny that I got to do 'On the Road' because the thing that had the biggest impact on me growing up was reading books. I was very inspired by the book and this spirit of Dean Moriarty and how envious we all are of somebody who can be that carefree.

Comedy is surprises so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh that's funny.

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny or you ain't.

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.

I used to say I wanted somebody funny and intelligent but kindness is the most important quality in a man.

You know I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.

It's funny - if you impersonate somebody they have no idea it's them.

I don't really get shaken very much. People could heckle me a spotlight could go out I could forget a lyric... I'm not operating on somebody's brain you know what I mean? So I just think it's all funny.

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.