I would be sad if it ended now. It's been the best job I've had by a long shot especially creatively because the writing is so good. Every week I get the script and I laugh out loud and get excited for the different stuff we get to do.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I never said most of the things I said.
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Money won't buy happiness but it will pay the salaries of a large research...
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Roses are red violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William...
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
I'm sorry if you were right I'd agree with you.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and...
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said Thyroid problem?
One picture is worth 1 000 denials.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Life is hard. After all it kills you.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow...
Before I refuse to take your questions I have an opening statement.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
If two wrongs don't make a right try three.
I intend to live forever. So far so good.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
